Day 13

Day 13 : Your Favorite Musician and why? 


 My favorite musician changes all the time. Right now I am really liking Kelly Clarkson but then again yesterday I adored frank sinatra. I cant pick just one. There's to many to choose from !

Work

So I went back to work yesterday after having 4 days off. I had to close... 

I am in the process of closing. I have to count the drawers back down to $100 which normally isnt an issue but last night I counted the drawer like 5 friggin times and it was short. Now I wworked with my manager yesterday and she was the only one that had access to the drawer. I know that i didnt short it and I really hope that she didnt either. Hopefully it is just a fluke and I missed a bill or something. IDK I will find out later today when I go back into work. 

Day 12

Day 12: A photo of the town you live in. 

 I live in Topeka,KS! This is a photo of the skyline from burnetts mound.

 

Day 11

Day 11: What is in your make up bag? 


 I don't have a make up bag. I have a basket with all my make up in it. And to be honest there is more eyeshadow in it then anything else!! I love eye shadows!

Day 10

Day 10: A photo of your favorite place to eat. 



So I am supposed to post a picture of my fav. place to eat. And well I just cant do that because my all time fav place to eat was a tiny dinner here in town that actually closed down :( I was so sad and since then I havent been able to find anywhere that I enjoy as much as I did there!!

Day 09

Day 09:   A photo of the last thing you purchased

Yep that's right it was a case of mountain dew or at least that was the last thing that wasn't a bug juice for Kadence LOL

Day 08

Day 08: a song and a photo to match your mood..



I have been sitting here for like 20 minutes trying to figure out what song and photo matches my mood and I just dont know. I am in a blah kinda mood and just dont feel like dealing with any crap today. So the song that I am going to say matches my mood is  

OR 

 And well I just dont have a photo that can go with any of this 

Day 07

Day 07 A picture of your dream wedding...



This is a tough one seeing as how I personally havent put alot of thought into a wedding... but After looking on google I found a place :) 

 

Day 06

Day 06: A photo of an animal that you would love to keep as a pet. 

 

Day 05

Day 05: A photograph of yourself from 2 years ago

 

I couldn't pick just one picture so I put up 2 pictures these are just over 2 years old! 

 

Day 04

Day 04 : Your Fav. Photo of you and your bestfriend.



I am lucky and have 2 best friends! I am even luckier because they are married! :) So when I hang out with one of them I am normally hanging out with the other! 

 

Day 3

Day 03: Your Favorite store...


To be honest my fav. store changes from time to time. And it all really depends on what I am shopping for. I like maurices for work shirts and deb for work pants I typically get my work shoes at payless but my tennis shoes come from rack room shoes. For make up I normally go to walmart. Now that I am working in a beauty supply store I get my hair stuff there. I just cant pick just one!

Day 2

Day 2 : A photo of something you ate today. 


I havent eaten anything yet but I have drank things!! 

 

Day 1

Day 1: A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was. 

 Today hasn't really started yet because you see I am yet to get out of bed yet. LOL But just with what has happened so far including a call from besties mom saying that little sister is missing again today is either going to get waaay awesome or just plain suck! Erin ( my little sister) has her baby shower today! I still can't believe that she is having a baby!

New Blog Challenge

So I have decided that if I don't have a blog challenge going on I don't really blog so because of that I am going to start another blog challenge.  This is another 30 day challenge and I am going to do my best to keep up with it. 



On a positive not I have been working a lot lately and I still ADORE my job! Seriously it is the best job ever! 

Watch Out World

Oh buddy. I don't know what is wrong with me today maybe I am pms-ing or if it has something to do with the fact that Trevor refuses to have sex with me still.. But I am on a fucking roll. Everything is pissing me off!! Yesterday was about the same too. I am just bitchy! Plain and simple!! I don't want to be an ass to anyone but you are screwed if you upset me in the lease little bit today!  I don't care. I just don't give a flying fuck! I am tired and have been sleeping like shit! All my muscles hurt from sleeping like shit. My child seems to think that it is ok to be a crybaby about everything and that he doesnt ever have to listen to me.

 My boyfriend is well just fucking frustrating! We have been through so much these last few months and have made it through it all. Had anyone else in the world said or did to me what he has and I would have left. Plain and simple I would be gone. but noooo with him I actually want to work things out and stay with him so I stayed and Well to be honest while he may  seem happier and what not Im not. I am just as upset about everything as I was to begin with maybe more now that I know more of the story and that everything has had time to sink in. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to him blah friggin blah blah. You know what FUCK YOU! You try fucking talking to him because I have and it doesnt fucking work he doesnt want to FUCKING TALK! Therefore he isnt talking to me. I have tried countless times to talk to him about everything and how I feel. I have tried to talk to him about how the fact that he doesnt want to have sex with me makes me feel super unwanted and hurts my feelings.. Wanna know his response. This is the best time for this conversation or This isn't a fun thing to talk about! Then he gets up and walks the fuck away! So talking to him about everything  OBVIOUSLY isnt an option right now! I am just so fucking frustrated with everything! I am tired of feeling unwanted! I feel like he could care less if I was here or not. There are days that I dont say a single word to him and he doesn't seem to notice! I just want to feel wanted thats all I want to fucking know that he loves me and finds me attractive and that he wants to be with me. I want to know for a fucking fact that he isnt still talking to that chick behind my back. I just want some reassurance that I am not fucking wasting my fucking time! Our anniversary was August 1st. It was our one year anniversary. Now i understand that some people may not think that one year is a big deal but for me it fucking is! And it should have mattered to trevor too! We didnt do anything for our anniversary! Nothing at all. I mean yeah a nice fancy dinner with a dozen fucking roses would have been nice but in all reality I would have been happy with a cup of coffee and a daisy! I just want him to show that he fucking cares! He didn't use to be like this and I can't for the life of my figure out what the hell is going on anymore. 
I am tired of it all. Something has got to give! 

 

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

Happy Birthday Aiden! We sent you balloons today! Mommy wrote you a letter so did Kirstie and Sean! Piper drew you a picture of herself and your little brother Kadence and Gavin drew you well I just don't know what they drew! Either way I hope you liked the balloons! I know that you aren't here in physical form but I also know that you are here with me in spirit! I want you to know that even though I don't talk about you that much I think about you everyday. I miss you as well.

 

Day 30

Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself  

Dear Megan, 

Life has been really tough for you. You have suffered a lot of pain and loss, but from that pain and loss you have become a better person. You are strong. You always put other peoples needs before your own. You are very caring. Sometimes you overreact to things but it it mostly because you just hold everything in that isn't a good reaction. This next month is going to be a tough one but you can do it! You are stronger than you know. You are beautiful and have a great personality. You are a wonderful mom and an amazing girlfriend. You may have done some horrible things to people in the past but your selflessness is making up for it. Keep you chin up. You are doing great in life!

Love, 

Megan 

 

5 years....

Tomorrow is Aiden's birthday. He would have been 5.... I can't believe that it has been 5 years already! Where has time gone?  How have 5 years come and gone with out me noticing? What would my life be like if he were still here with me today? Would I have gotten back with his dad? Would we have had more babies? What would have happened... I still remember everythign like it happened yesterday. I have a lot of regrets about how selfish and childish I was towards Brett (Aiden's Dad) I was upset with him for being an addict something that he needed help with and I was so absorbed with myself that I couldn't see that he needed me to help him. But instead all I thought about was myself and how much it hurt to have him repeatedly pick meth over me. I should have let him know that I was going to be induced so that he could have came with me to the hospital. I should have let him come see Aiden more. there are so many things that I wish I could have done differently! I miss my baby. I think about him daily. I wonder what he would look like. If would have looked like me or Brett? How tall he would have been. If his hair would have stayed the same color red that it was. there are so many things that I will never have the answer to. I am dreading the 1st of September this year. I know that this year will be one of the hardest to get past. So everyone that knows me please keep in mind that while I may be all smiles and laughs but inside I am still hurting. That it is more than likely taking everything in me not to cry right then and there. 

Day 29

Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I hope to change the fact that I always put everyone before myself. I dont want that to go away completely but every now and then it would be nice to be able to do something for myself and not feel guilty about it because I know that I could have done something for someone else instead of myself. 

Day 28

Day 28 : What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

If I got pregnant I would probably be super excited! As I have said before I have really bad baby fever!!! Like really really bad! 

BUT!!!!! 

If I got someone pregnant I would be a friggin billionaire! Plain and simple I would be loaded and my little freak of nature child would be famous and the most spoiled kid in the whole entire world!!!!!!!

Now with that randomness outta my system I am going to end this post with a random picture off my computer. 

  

Just so you know when I put up a random picture like this one I really do just randomly click a picture! :)  

 

Disclaimer!

I write this blog for my personal enjoyment. From time to time I may give my opinion on a product or service. It is just my opinion, I'm not an expert in the field and other people's opinions may differ (I can't help it if they are wrong, ha ha).

To keep my reviews independent and free of conflicts of interest, my personal policies for reviews are:

1. This blog receives no payment or other compensation for advertising.
2. This blog receives no payment or other compensation for reviews of products or services.
3. If I did not pay full retail price for a product being reviewed, I will explicitly state that in the review.
4. Unless explicitly stated, I have no affiliation or relationship with the supplier of a product being reviewed.
5. Acceptance of a free sample does not guarantee a review. I follow a "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" rule of thumb. If I like a product, I'll review it. If not, I'm not going to embarrass a supplier.

O.P.I. AVOJUICE SKIN QUENCHERS REVIEW

This guy made its way to me as a sample from work so I figured that I would take the time to do a review on it. :)   (BTW I have a lot of samples and will try to do reviews for all of them maybe even a small giveaway :) )


So this is obviously a lotion... Now I don't know about you guys but I am SUPER picky when it comes to lotions! My biggest issue is that they cant be too thin! Like I don't like crappy watery lotions! They have to be thicker! And this lotion is!!! It is super smooth feeling but not greasy like some lotions can make you feel. I got a small sample size that is just 1 oz so it is seriously the perfect size for like your purse! From what I have found these little guys are ranging from $1- $10 on the internet. At our store they are a sample so they are free for our customer! anyways! The only thing I dont like about this scent is that it has the really strong musky smell. To be honest i dont really like the way it smells at all. I love everythign else about this lotion just not the smell. Also this is was limited edition but there are all kinds of other scents that this line carries that small wonderful. ( the jasmine juicy is amazing) All in all I give this lotion a 4 outta 5 stars would have totally been 5 if it smelled better!!! 



 

Day 27

Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Honestly I think that the best thing going for me right now is my new job. It has so much potential! I am super excited about this job! 

Life in general

To be honest life has been pretty hectic lately!! Like beyond belief. there has just been so much going on. A lot of it has been really really personal and has really hit home and made me think a lot about where I am in life and where I am going in life Trevor and I have been having a lot of issues. Like a crazy amount of them and it scares the crap out of me. I don't want to lose him or have anything like that happen but at the same time I don't want to sit around just to continue to be hurt by him. Its one of those things where I am going ot have to be very very careful to make sure I dont get hurt... 


On another note though I did get a new job ( WOOOOOOHHHH HOOOOOO!!!) I started on Wednesday! I am working as a sales associate at a beauty supply store!!! Talk about THE PERFECT JOB! I love it sooo much! 


The 13th is coming up really fast which makes me really really sad. On the 13th of this month Aiden would have been 5. I cant believe that I should have a 5 year old right now! I cannot even try to imagine what life would be like if I had him still. I miss him alot. but after the 13 we have Morgans birthday on the 22nd. Then on the 1st of September is the 5th anniversary since Aiden passed away and the 14th of september is the 4th anniversary for Morgan, needless to say it is going to be a very long emotional month. I miss them both terribly! 


But for now lovies that is all. I will post for the truth challenge in the morning. 

Day 26

Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

To be honest I have. After Aiden passed away it was all I could think about. I didnt want life to go on anymore. I felt like I was lost all the time. the only thing that got me thru it was the support of my friends and family. 

Day 25

Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today

To be honest I know for a fact that the only reason I am alive is because I got pregnant with my son. Getting pregnant with  Kadence saved my life. Before I found out that I was pregnant I was out of control. I was drinking all the time doing drugs all kinds of things, but the day I found out that I was prego I stopped doing everythign and started the long process of getting my shit straight. here we are and my little guy is 3 and Im still not sure if I am doing it right LOL 

Day 24

I feel as though I have been neglecting my blog. I have been so busy lately with everything that I just havent had time to post as much as I want to. Trevor's brother has been here visiting since the 1st so we have been spending time with the family. Trevor's mom (Lucy) has taken it upon herself to make sure that everyday is jammed packed full with stuff to do. We have been super busy and when I say we I mean me and Kadence because Trevor has been at work. Anyways tomorrow we are going to oceans of fun for the day. (WOO HOO) but because of that I dont think that I will have time to do my post for the 30 days of truth. So I am going to post it tonight. I will try to take some pictures while we are there to put up on here for everyone! anyway back to the point :) I hope you like it. It took me a long time to put this together. 


Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Lucky - Jason Mraz
Looks Like We Made It - Shania Twain
Breathe - Faith Hill
How Do I Live - Trisha Yearwood
It's Your love - Tim McGraw & Faith Hill 




Trevor, 
I chose each of these songs while thinking of you. I seriously googled "top love songs" and went thru the list debating on which ones were for us... I chose Lucky by Jason Mraz because you are my best friend. You are the one that I can go to about everything. The next song in the list is Looks Like We Made It by Shania Twain, I chose this song because of how many people that didnt think that we would be able to be together when we first got together. There were so many people telling me that we weren't going to make it but look at us go. We just celebrated our first anniversary. :) The next song is Breathe by Faith Hill. I chose this song because it was the first song that I ever thought fit us. It explained exactly how I felt when I first realized that I loved you. The next on the list is How Do I live by Trisha Yearwood, I chose this song because it explains how I would feel if I lost you. I would be broken and nothing would ever be able to fix me again. The next song is It's Your Love by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill. This song is self explanatory.  Everything in this song is a description of my feelings towards you. I love you Trevor. 

Love Always, 
Megan  


** BTW** That picture is from right after Trevor and I started dating. It is honestly one of the only pictures that I have of us together.  

Day 23

Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.

The thing that I find myself wishing I had done in my life is finish school. I wish that I had finished school because if I had then I wouldnt have such an issue finding a job when I have to look for one. 

Day 22

Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Something that I wish I hadn't done in my life... That is a tough one. There are alot of things that I wish I could go back and redo but I know that if I did them differently I wouldn't be where I am now. So I suppose that there isn't anything that I wish I hadn't done. 

Day 21

Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?


If this happened I would drop everything and run to be by her side. The fact that she was just in a car accident would make the fight not matter! She is my best friend regardless of anything. 

Day 20

Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol

To be honest I dont really have many views on this. I am against using drugs well all drugs with the exception of marijuana. I dont really drink that often but I dont care if others drink. I am however against drinking and driving and anyone who knows me will tell you that I will be the first person to get after someone for drinking and driving. 

Day 19

Day 19 : What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

This is a challenging topic for a lot of people including myself... 

With religion I think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion i just dont want to have someone push their religion on me. Over the years I have diddled around in multiple religions, The one that I have found that I think truely fits me is Buddhism. It is something that fits all of my beliefs. I am very open when it comes to religion and peoples choice on it. 

As for politics to be honest I dont really give a crap either way.  

Day 18

Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.

This is actually a question that I have been asked a lot in my life. I am totally for gay rights. I think that they should be able to have every right to do anything that a straight person can. For the last 2 years I have gone the million fag march which for those of you who dont know what that is, it is our local gay rights march! I have gone and my son has gone as well. I dont think that gay people should have a different set of rules just because they are gay. Telling some one that they cant marry the person that they love because they are the same sex is like telling someone that they cant marry someone because they both have brown eyes. Its fucking stupid. SO all in all i am all for gay marriage! Let them get married!