5 years....

Tomorrow is Aiden's birthday. He would have been 5.... I can't believe that it has been 5 years already! Where has time gone?  How have 5 years come and gone with out me noticing? What would my life be like if he were still here with me today? Would I have gotten back with his dad? Would we have had more babies? What would have happened... I still remember everythign like it happened yesterday. I have a lot of regrets about how selfish and childish I was towards Brett (Aiden's Dad) I was upset with him for being an addict something that he needed help with and I was so absorbed with myself that I couldn't see that he needed me to help him. But instead all I thought about was myself and how much it hurt to have him repeatedly pick meth over me. I should have let him know that I was going to be induced so that he could have came with me to the hospital. I should have let him come see Aiden more. there are so many things that I wish I could have done differently! I miss my baby. I think about him daily. I wonder what he would look like. If would have looked like me or Brett? How tall he would have been. If his hair would have stayed the same color red that it was. there are so many things that I will never have the answer to. I am dreading the 1st of September this year. I know that this year will be one of the hardest to get past. So everyone that knows me please keep in mind that while I may be all smiles and laughs but inside I am still hurting. That it is more than likely taking everything in me not to cry right then and there.