Oh buddy. I don't know what is wrong with me today maybe I am pms-ing or if it has something to do with the fact that Trevor refuses to have sex with me still.. But I am on a fucking roll. Everything is pissing me off!! Yesterday was about the same too. I am just bitchy! Plain and simple!! I don't want to be an ass to anyone but you are screwed if you upset me in the lease little bit today! I don't care. I just don't give a flying fuck! I am tired and have been sleeping like shit! All my muscles hurt from sleeping like shit. My child seems to think that it is ok to be a crybaby about everything and that he doesnt ever have to listen to me.
My boyfriend is well just fucking frustrating! We have been through so much these last few months and have made it through it all. Had anyone else in the world said or did to me what he has and I would have left. Plain and simple I would be gone. but noooo with him I actually want to work things out and stay with him so I stayed and Well to be honest while he may seem happier and what not Im not. I am just as upset about everything as I was to begin with maybe more now that I know more of the story and that everything has had time to sink in. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to him blah friggin blah blah. You know what FUCK YOU! You try fucking talking to him because I have and it doesnt fucking work he doesnt want to FUCKING TALK! Therefore he isnt talking to me. I have tried countless times to talk to him about everything and how I feel. I have tried to talk to him about how the fact that he doesnt want to have sex with me makes me feel super unwanted and hurts my feelings.. Wanna know his response. This is the best time for this conversation or This isn't a fun thing to talk about! Then he gets up and walks the fuck away! So talking to him about everything OBVIOUSLY isnt an option right now! I am just so fucking frustrated with everything! I am tired of feeling unwanted! I feel like he could care less if I was here or not. There are days that I dont say a single word to him and he doesn't seem to notice! I just want to feel wanted thats all I want to fucking know that he loves me and finds me attractive and that he wants to be with me. I want to know for a fucking fact that he isnt still talking to that chick behind my back. I just want some reassurance that I am not fucking wasting my fucking time! Our anniversary was August 1st. It was our one year anniversary. Now i understand that some people may not think that one year is a big deal but for me it fucking is! And it should have mattered to trevor too! We didnt do anything for our anniversary! Nothing at all. I mean yeah a nice fancy dinner with a dozen fucking roses would have been nice but in all reality I would have been happy with a cup of coffee and a daisy! I just want him to show that he fucking cares! He didn't use to be like this and I can't for the life of my figure out what the hell is going on anymore.
I am tired of it all. Something has got to give!